Asshole of the Day - The Eight-Legged Squatter

Everyone who knows me knows I'm petrified of spiders.  The fear has since dwindled but ever since moving to what my grandmother refers to as "el campo,"  the country, the fear has had a significant resurgence every time this year.

Wolf Spider

Daddy-long legs are one thing and they even sound comforting,  here, we have what are called a wolf spiders...sounds friendly right.  The other day, I remembered we were "in season" when I almost came face to face with it as it made its first appearance.  These spiders are so big they sometimes make me late to wherever I have to go because I'm still trying to comprehend how I let it get so close.

Changed color to see if you can see the web

So I did what anyone (only me) would do, I sprayed half a bottle of Febreze on it; it was the only thing close enough to me.

(sorry PETA, you can suck my c*ck.)

Bottle of Febreze

So I was half an hour late to meeting my friend.  I got back home assured that the spider would have died a fresh and horrible death.  I walked by, still cautiously mind you, and to my surprise it was alive and hiding behind the door sill! So I had a "Kill Bill"  moment and thought, "ok, it's tough, it deserves to live."

A week later, this asshole is encroaching on more of my property! it has blocked my entire walkway.  After a couple of days of climbing over my stoop to avoid messing up its web I think my brother-in-law took it down yesterday, but only after I cowardly ran through my garage door to avoid having it hit my head, to which my sister saw and laughed.

Spider in question, mocking me.

This morning, I noticed it built another web!  It was shoddy, but if I were a spider, I'd be pissed, he made it in one night!  I'm just going to have to relocate it.

Asshole of the Day - The Self-Hating Gay Representatitive

I don't think I need to say much on this guy He co-sponsored a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage, then 
discreetly answers an ad on craigslist.com  posted by an 18-year-old man for "a really good time" in a hotel room. The man claimed that when they were in the hotel room, Hinkle "grabbed him in the rear, dropped his towel and sat down on the bed — naked."

Asshole of the Day - The Passed Out Drunk Guy

This is probably my funniest asshole moment.

Ok, I debated on putting this one up.  But you know what, it's all in fun, also there are mean assholes, like that Jamba Juice girl (remember?)  then there are funny assholes (the female bus driver).  This guy falls under the more funny side of Asshole-dom.  I showed the video to two of my friends and one said, "Don't do that, do put it up,"  and the other said, "Dude the karma."  I thought my karma or this guys?  PLUS, if someone has video of me this bad, I'm begging you put it up, lol.  I'd get a kick to be on someone's asshole list because then I'd have to take the shame.

SO I went out with my friends and while we're walking up 7th ave. and 22nd, and taking pictures on random peoples motorcycles (my friend is an avid collector of pictures featuring himself on chained up bikes and motorcycles.)  So as we're crossing the street we see an ambulance.  I thought it was something really serious but then again there were only two EMT's standing over this guy.  There was no rush, no feeling of emergency.

Passed out drunk guy

I looked down and it was a drunk guy.  In fact, he was fucking TOASTED.  I immediately, in my less than sober state said, "OH!  I have to get a picture of him, I need an asshole of the day!  Thousands of people are counting on me!"  Thousands....to which my friend Peter replied, "NO!  You can't he hasn't done anything to you remember?!"  Which is true, I was about to break my own rule, and I think it was a commandment too.  I was going to make someone an asshole for the blog's sake.  I felt like a cop pulling people over at the end of the month just to meet their quotas (myth?)

So whatever we let this situation be and walked away.  We went to another bar and had two drinks and were there for nearly an hour and half.  We were waiting on another friend to finish his shift before heading out.  So we decided to walk over and see if our friend was on his way. Now remember this is a good hour and a half later....WHO DO WE SEE AGAIN!?   Now, I don't know about you but I thought this guy was asking for it now, lol.  He convinced the EMT's somehow that he was ok...walked a block made a right and passed out in front of, I don't know, his apt complex.  Meanwhile noone had called anyone, so they are probably like, Oh there's Jack again, hahaha, at least he has his clothes on now, hahaha"

I looked at Peter and said, "Sorry but now this jerk is an asshole of the day!"  But a funny one!  Look I've been here before...you probably have to.  I'm not judging at all.  But I don't think I have EVER been like this alone.  and on the street, left here to be victimized by anyone, including a guy with a camera, a dream and a sense of humor.

So, I recently was allowed to upgrade to an iphone, thanks to Verizon feeling sorry for me and my Droid.  Which explains the clearer pictures AND my interview with this guy.  Be forewarned:

IT IS NOT FOR PEOPLE WHO LACK A SENSE OF HUMOR.

I think you will find we were genuinely concerned as citizens of the planet.  Also, can you get arrested for something like this?  Who know maybe he was just THAT tired.  Either way, enjoy.